So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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