White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
