I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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