No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
