he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
