are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
