remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
