I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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