My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
