Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
