She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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