I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want a musical about memes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
