is your mom at the bar?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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