He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
