Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
