I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
