My nipple is on Facebook.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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