Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
