I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
not ubering you a puppy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
