Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The ass gains better be worth it
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