You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
