are you so shy because you have an std?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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