The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
