True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
