babies were throwing up all over the place
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
