do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
