i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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