god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize