I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
