I'm drive I can fine osifer
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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