that's an acceptable place to lick
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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