Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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