omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
