I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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