She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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