I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
