i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
