she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
