if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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