yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
