There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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