For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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