Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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