I can tuck mytits in my pants
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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