hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
