also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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