Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
