Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
