non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
