What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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