Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
