Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
