Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
