It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
