I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
