bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
