dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
