Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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