my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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