Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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