I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Never joke about your clitoris.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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