its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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