Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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