I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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