Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
