Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
