The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
