my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
