we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
