Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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