A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
