he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
